So, I labored on and off all day yesterday. More on than off. It got more intense last night so I called my birth team for help. I was exhausted from not sleeping and very sore from all the contractions. That was a huge mistake because Cori found a breech presenting baby and a vertex baby B and I happen to know that vaginal birth for that configuration is not considered safe. Although I think fear and disbelief (plus a beefeater from Jason's and a glass of wine) did what nothing else could have done---contractions spaced out and I got to go to sleep for quite a long while. I'm feeling a little better now.
I'm terrified of having a c-section. Not because of the surgery. I mean, seriously, I've HAD surgery and I do pretty well. It's the recovery that frightens me. I'm going to have 6 children, of whom the youngest three are all under 17 months. I'll be nursing twins, dealing with a toddler who's going to be less than thrilled to share her mommy, and then of course the needs of three others. I need to bounce back as quickly as possible and be back on my feet within a month. I've only got three weeks of help. And that's only if my Mom is really able to make it down. If for some reason she can't make it I'll just have Dave for a week before I'll have to take everything back over full time. It's enough to make me start bawling again.
I'm pretty rough emotionally right now. I feel like a big, fat failure. Rationally I know I cannot 'make' my babies listen to me and get into good positions. Rationally I know that I can trust them and my body to do what they need to do and I just have to be patient. Rationally I know that birth works, that babies do have an innate wisdom, and that I've got to let go. But my hormonal, pregnant self is no longer in the right mental space for those conclusions. I learned all these lessons at Isabella's birth and I can't seem to remember them.
I've got to get a grip and just let it go. What will be, will be.
12 comments:
((hugs)) I just had a wonderful, long response all written when one of my evil twins deleted it all.
It may not be what you want to hear, but I think all of those contractions are just the babies finding their positions. And you could still have some time left before labor actually begins, but that is GOOD because it gives them time to get to where they need to be!
I can totally and completely relate to what you're going through right now. And I know you will make it through this! It will all be over so quickly and you'll just be snuggling those newborns.
It may be time for a good cry. I'm so not a crier at all, but I had my little emotional breakdown at 37.5 weeks last time. And after that I feklt peace for the first time since I'd discovered we were having twins. Could you have friends come and watch the kids so you can take a nap, go for a walk, or go out alone? A little break might help you out in many ways!
I'm praying that you have a beautiful, peaceful birth. I wouldn't wish a c-section on anyone. I wish you were closer to me so I could come and keep you company. Stay strong! I know you can do this and this craziness will all be over soon!
((more hugs))
I don't have much to say except that we are all crying with you. We all want want you want. You are such a strong woman and I am in awe of you. I know that doesn't help right now when you don't feel so strong, but you are. Rest when you can. We are all rooting and praying for you. HUGS!!!! As my husband has told me a million times...you are NOT a failure! You are amazing!
Emily said it all! I'm praying for peace and contentment within your heart. You are an amazing person.. just hang in there, and call us if you need us! We'll be there for you!
ITA with Emily! You are definitely NOT a failure Chantel! You are a strong, amazing woman who has done everything right! I'd say cry if you need to girl, let it out! I love you and wish I were closer to you so I could help you out! Turn babies turn!! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers! *HUGS*
Sending "Heads Down Babies" vibes. ((((Chantel))))
Hi Chantel
I found your blog and have four children, including twins. at one time they were all under age five.
I am sending hugs your way and thoughts for a head down babe. I was in a very similar situation you are in right now.
I hope that first little babe decides to come head first.
Is there some way you can hook up with a newly trained postpartum doula who can help with your kiddos to help you rest?
Erin
(((((((((((((((C)))))))))))))))))
Nothing but hugs and prayers for you Chantel :)
Since when does recovering from a c-section take longer than 2 weeks? I delivered twins by c-section and was driving 6 days later, I did take a lot of Tylenol the first 2 weeks though. But regardless, hoping for an easy delivery for you!
I'm so glad you had such an easy recovery Anon, but I'm sure you know that's not always the case! I barely bounced back that fast with my vaginal births, much less my laproscopic surgery!
What are your options for getting more help? I don't know where you live but, are there young teenage girls about that you might hire for a song just to come in a do dishes, play with your other kids ( or better yet; take them to the park or?? ). Are there postpartum doulas' in your area? We have a wonderful program here called "doulascare" through the Center for the Childbearing Year who provide volunteer doula care to women who need it..,..might there be something like that in your area? In my own practice, I have always tried ( not always successfully ) to get the mom to make a "doula circle" of her close family and friends who can pitch in with meals, home and kid care etc. or I have volunteered my own family to help if there is no one in earshot! Ask your midwives, if you haven't, what the options are for extra help after the babies are born ( and it will be soon although I know that "soon" is the last word in the world you want to hear right now ). I have a lot of contacts throughout the midwest, anyway; if there is something I could do to help; please let me know.
Hey, Chantel, from someone who has had 3 c-sections, let me give you a tip....Hopefully you won't have to have one! I am totally pushing for your natural birth of those sweeties! But IF you do, STAY ON TOP OF THE PAIN MEDS! Take them even if you feel like you aren't hurting much because the second you skip one or are a couple hours late, you end up hurting SO bad. You will need them if you want to bounce back quickly, like you said. Oh, and one more tip, pee A LOT. If your bladder is full, it pushes on your uterus and makes everything sore! With as much water as you'll be drinking, and all the fluids they give you, you want to pee as often as you think about it!
Hope everything goes well!
JenC
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