Bah, Humbug

I haven't shared it much on the wider Internet but my husband and I are no longer willing to carry forward with our marriage. Well, rather, *I* am no longer willing and my husband doesn't really have much say at this point. We are currently still living in the same household, trying to muddle through how to best divide up 13 years of life together, six kids, and a passel of junkie household items I'm fairly sure neither of us really cares about. That brings its own challenges.

And just so you know, in case you ever wondered, divorce sucks. Big, hairy toes.

I could regale you with all my dirty laundry but I'll happily leave it shoved up in the closet. I have zero intention of smearing my soon-to-be ex-husband's name online. It's hard enough without adding that drama.

The holidays are here and it's just darkly depressing. Worse even than the year my grandma died--when Christmas really lost its sparkle for me. Husband made sure to point out over and over yesterday that this was the last Thanksgiving we'll ever spend as a family. Gee, thanks for reminding me. Multiple times. That hadn't occurred to me before just now. Sigh.

This is going to be one of the toughest things I've ever had to hold my head up through. It's pretty much all me. He'd happily continue to exist in the badly dysfunctional relationship we've both been suffering in these past few years. Oh? Counseling? Yeah, that's not really an option. It would be nice if we could just go and some therapist could help us "fix" it, to be sure. Unfortunately, the years that I begged for just such an intervention are long past and things transpired that can never be taken back or gotten over.

Oh, stinky Holiday Season. I wish it were January already.